Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Yeah, more like Chinese DemoCRAPcy...........

Sorry, I been waiting a long time to say that, whether or not the new Guns N Roses album was any good or not. It was inevitable, like WWII or herpes.

Anyway, don't worry this ain't gonna be a review. This is NOT a review blog, and if it ever becomes one feel free to load a gun for me to take to the woods and bite. I just came to say that I'm really enjoying myself watchin' all these "hardcore metal" fans bend over backwards to defend an overly-polished pop/nu-metal album (which is exactly what Chinese Democracy is) just because of the name of the band on the cover. It really has been the highlight of my whole year so far.

First black president? Boring. Olympic summer games? Do I look like a pedophile? Nah, my choice for the cover of Time Magazine's "person of the year" is definitely this chick, cuz I'm sure this album release is the best thing to happen to her since the successful conviction of the guy on the right at the date rape trial.

To be honest I don't really have an opinion on the album, in the same way I don't have an opinion on the Jonas Brothers or cabbage soup. I could easily just say "this fucking sucks" and be done with it, but the truth is it just ain't my cup of tea. Cups of tea aren't my cup of tea either, and really just cups in general. I drink everything out of wine goblets. My point is that I don't just write blog posts to be negative. I'm a good person. All I'm sayin' is it's hilarious to me that the same people who shit on douchebag nu-metal bands (and rightfully so) with spiked hair, white contact lenses and zombie make-up from the November 1st Walmart clearance section, are now fawning over an album that makes Static-X look like Black Sabbath. That's all.

And don't get me wrong, I think it's great that 2008 could be the year when all the Metallica and GnR fans collectively found peace in their hearts, and finally got excited about something other than filling their autograph booklets with all the B-list celebrities they give cart-rides to at their airport security jobs...........that really is a heartwarming finale to the last few decades of being condescended to by record labels, stand up comedians, and VH1 rock docs...........but I find it really hard to believe that anyone waited 16 years to hear Axl Rose sing lyrics like "If the world would end, would our love slip away" over Oceans 14 soundtrack-esque strings, with guitar solos that sound closer to skinemax sex scenes than anything Slash ever bothered me with. But hey, keep up the act as long as you can.

And it fucking sucks.

Ok I'm done. Enjoy the record, guys.


Michael K Blackson said...

How can anyone hate the Jonas Brothers? They're awesome!

Chris said...

you do kind of look like a pedophile.

texasveteran said...

What exactly is "hardcore metal?"

Sandman said...

^^hardcore fans, not hardcore metal. I mean the dudes who listen to black metal, death, doom, thrash, etc. Those guys tend to look down on nu-metal fans, right?

In other news, Basshead jazz = best comments section in the blogosphere. Thanks Chris.