I didn't just wake up hungover today.........I woke up drunk. That's always a frustrating couple of minutes when you realize your cunning plan to sleep yourself sober was pointless, and you coulda stayed up doing jumping jacks and finger painting for 6 hours and still felt exactly the same. Fuck it.
My friends threw me a going away party last night at my brother's house, and boy oh boy did it get wild. Not really, but I learned if you just say "Boy oh boy" in response to any question about a party, it makes people think it was a Caligula-style blowout, and not just a quiet get-together in an apartment with nice platters of coconut shrimp.
"Boy oh boy? Wow, it must have been too wild for him to even describe! What a hip cat, the guys want to be him and the girls wanna be with him!! What a handsome rake! A real ham dinner!"
In case you're wondering, this hypothetical is taking place in a 1927 speakeasy. And I'm pretty sure nobody ever used "ham dinner" as a slang term. But it gets better when Al Capone walks in and shoots this guy in the face.
Back to sane topics, my co-workers also threw me a lil'............don't know what to call it..........shindig?........luncheon. It was a luncheon, I'll go with luncheon. Complete with nachos and beans, and let me tell you, friends and countrymen............nothin' makes you feel better in the middle of the worst hangover of your life than soakin' up all the tequila still coating your stomach with beans, bell peppers and velveeta. If you aint' picking up on the sarcasm yet, don't worry it's probably just hidden underneath all the vomit.
Boy oh boy.
In other news, I got rick roll'd on the street earlier. Now.......I'm no fan or supporter of 2-years-past-stale internet memes, but that had to be the most awesome shit that's ever happened to me that didn't involve a warm vagina. You might be wondering the logistics of how a rick roll works in real life, and what kind of person would even do it. Basically I was standing outside of the state building where I work catchin' some fresh air, when this 30-somethin' year old asian guy pulls up next to me in a pickup truck, literally stops by the curb in the middle of traffic, turns up his stereo to full blast and it's "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you doooooown!!", and he's singing along and dancing in his seat so hard it's shaking the truck. Complete stranger. Then he just turns the radio off like nothing happened and drives off.
I laughed so hard I almost coughed up my own alcohol diseased liver. That guy deserves to go to heaven, despite having no creativity whatsoever. Small criticism for a great man.
Anyway, that's my friday so far. It's all downhill from here. Thanks and much love to anyone readin' this that was at the party last night, I won't miss any of you simps but you can write me letters when I'm gone anyway.